Our Tragedy

Charlie and I were married at 11:00 AM on Saturday, October 13, 1984.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Then, extreme happiness struck again on September 15, 1985 when our beautiful, healthy baby girl was born. It was perfect.  Love. Our family. There were trials, there were tribulations, but we were a family.  Everyone loved Charlie.  He was a paramedic who devoted his life to his family and helping those in need of medical assistance.  He was a police officer.  He put his life on the line to serve and protect others.  He was warm, he was compassionate.  He was so full of life and never said a bad word about anyone.  He smiled, he laughed, he cried, and he truly cared.  

On October 13, 1989, our 5th wedding anniversary, my husband, my daughter's Daddy, ~ Charlie.  Was shot three times in the back of the head.  He was executed not even 1/4 of a mile from the home where his parents lived.  We don't know if he suffered.  We don't know if he was afraid.  We don't know if there was anything we could have done to protect him the way he had always protected us. We don't know how long he laid in that field until he was found by fellow police officers and paramedics.  We pray that he died instantly.  That he didn't suffer.  Our daughter was barely four years old.  I had to tell this child that her Daddy was in Heaven with Jesus.  That he was never coming home.  I can still see those big brown eyes look at me in horror.  She hit me, she cried.  I cried, the entire community cried. 

 

Charlie's body wasn't found until he had been gone for 3 or 4 days.  There had to be an autopsy performed.  I begged them not to do it, but because of the severity of the crime that had taken place, the State of Maine required it. I don't remember much of those first few days.  I don't remember much of the interrogation with the Maine State Police.  It was a cold blooded murder.  "Murder". My husband was murdered. Everyone affiliated with my husband had to be questioned.  It was my worst nightmare. 

Carrying Charlie's body from the Church

We laid my husband to rest six days after his body was discovered on that cold, damp Fall morning.  The funeral was held in the Episcopal Church where the three of us and his family attended Sunday services and sang in the choir.  Our Priest, Father Bob, with tears in his eyes and a cracking voice, prayed for us.  He prayed to God for the forgiveness of the person that killed this young man of thirty years.  He prayed, for Charlie's soul.  My husband's body was carried out of the Church by his only sibling, his brother John.  And David, his best friend.  Billy, Bill, Bruce, Bob, Don~his fellow paramedics and EMT's. I have never seen such sadness in my life.  His casket was placed in the back of his favorite ambulance: Number "3" for his final ride to his resting place.  The same ambulance that he had used so many times before to save people's lives, was now being used to say goodbye to his life. 

I rode with my Mom, Dad and brothers to the cemetery. It was cold and rainy.     I placed a single red rose on his casket.  I can't even remember the graveside service.  I can't even remember the words that were spoken.  I'm still so afraid, that someday, I won't remember Charlie at all. I never want to forget this amazing, wonderful human being.  Dear God, please don't ever let me forget.  The stone on Charlie's grave, says simply:  "I Miss You, Daddy". 

Today, it still feels like a bad dream.  I still think I see him at different times and places.  I still wonder if he ever really died.  Did he just go away?  Will he be back?  I never saw the body.  I begged to see him, but thankfully, my Priest prevented it.  The man that shot my husband to death was never convicted. He was acquitted by a jury that had a 'shadow of a doubt'. Even with all of the evidence presented to them, they let a murderer go.  Drug money hired this pathetic excuse for a human being one of the finest attorneys in New England.  It amazes me today how this 'so called' attorney can sleep at night.  The "monster" that killed my Charlie has been in and out of jail endlessly since his acquittal.  Sad, absolutely unfair, and so senseless.   I can't believe that there will ever be a place in Heaven for this 'man'.  I can't believe he will ever get that close to Charlie again.

But, our lives go on.  I know that he is my Angel because I never could have raised such a beautiful and charming daughter by myself.  Her beauty is stunning, she has her Daddy's good looks; his eyes, his walk, his smile.  She has his extra special way of helping and caring for people.  She is now a beautiful young lady with a life of her own.  Charlie lives, in his little girl. He left us with some of the best parts of him.  And it's so plain to see each and every time I look into her big, brown eyes.  But she misses him.  She missed him at every game when she hit a home run, at every Dad/Daughter function at school, on Father's Day.  She would have loved to have had her Daddy walk her down the aisle the day she was married. She has always tried to understand and she has been so brave. I couldn't be prouder. I couldn't love anyone, the way I love "Our" little girl.   

Our daughter is now the daughter of one of God's very special Angels.  And she does believe that she will see him again someday.  Then she can hug him, and tell him about her homeruns, and her dances, and her wedding day, and how much she has missed him.....